Twas scrawled...

...Happiness is best when shared
been shared...
...Companionship is missed most
...The best things in Life are free
How do we complicate "survival" in such ways

Desire I reckon stands tall

Willet Hot Springs Christmas

Thought I was headed to Sespe Hot Springs, however my out of practice body was aching enough, so Willet was quite a delight!
...realized I'm good for about 5 miles/day. More than that and too much is missed.
...so on day hikes, go for 2.5 miles one way.
...don't forget the bugspray
...only one piece of footwear, Keens only? Perhaps?

Wishing...

...so here.
Arriving inspired and in-tune.
Several hours traversed...miles be unknown.
Sought was not a grove perfectly growin.
Rather Aspens connected to Wind sister...creating slight quiver.
The kind, deep in the woods, ones evoking delightful shiver.

Move I did, a branch or two, this spot is right.
Slowly now, up goes crisp tent of white.
Last stake, lashed to ground.
Lay carefully, vermilion red carpet all around.
And days, yes it did take.
No matter, mortise and tenons now take shape.
Soon, this four post feathery bed will engulf her nape.

Fire roars, so close, its heat we do taste.
Our wet earth perimeter does still seep.
Whilst wild flowers past full bloom...faintly weep.

Us wearing all black, barefoot and uncombed.
Before I undress you and heighten other senses.
You yearn to be blindfold throned.

Abandon the grove, we do.
Prior to next path trod...thy mind begins to hone.
Precisely as her beauty and depth compares.
Kemala, I name her...my brilliant stone.

Fire gone a lass.
Sitting, brushing hair of Kemala, time does pass.
So here...
...Wishing

Horrible business...

...plan!
Realized two days back that I signed w/ my Commercial/Print agent 5 months back and was/am grateful for such event. So 12 auditions later or 2.4/months and have not booked one, which is not good however is typical from what I understand. People have shared stories of going 2 years or someone going on 30-4o auditions before booking one?
The thing I realized is...this is stupid! I'm not even being exposed to the SAG jobs, I'm paying my dues by auditioning for non-union jobs which typically only pay $500-750/day, maybe you'll get a $1000 to 3000 or even 5000 on the rare occasion? So here's the deal, you generally only get 24 hours notice of an audition and so you are forced to take some type of crappy job that allows you the flexibility to be available/on call on short notice and all of this is on the hope of looking the right way on the right day and giving them what they want.
Now I know I haven't booked yet, but I also know I haven't embarrassed my agency either.
The numbers don't add up! It wouldn't matter if the economy was going gang busters right now, the theory business model is ridiculous.
Time for some change?

Ignoramice...

...moron of a driver! i'm heading South on Fairfax and me and another motorbiker are cutting traffic, i'm up front, i'm forced to stop due to not enuf space to squeeze between cars waiting a stoplite. the car to my left who i'm actually in front of but to the right side of his front bumper...clearly visible, the biker behind me is basically in his passenger windo??? lite changes and i begin to go and dipshit to my left decides he can go also, what happened to space between you and the guy up front...anyways his right front bumper tags my left rear pannard just enuf to wipe me out going 1-2 mph??? rush hour traffic and my bike is laying on its side.

Try t'...

...make sense
It's all so apprehense
I walk these planks az far az they'll take me
Az far az I can, that's how far I go
Why duz the day have to come
My darkness, my hollow keeps the numb
She's around me, to each venture I jaunt
Bloody hell, it's lyke the double window Amity haunt
Spiraled and catapulted, boulders crash as I crawl
Seeking an end to this bath of a brawl
Down this Moon shone lane of shame
She leads such dance, cowardly I throw blame
I walk these planks az far az they'll take me
Az far az I can that's how far I go
It's all so apprehense
Try t' make sense

Thoreau...

...warns us to...
"beware of any activity that requires the purchase of new clothes,"
reminding us simplicity is the way we open to everyday wonder.

You have...

...to be/go unconscious to all of it...to be a city dweller.
Air pollution-Noise pollution-Light pollution.
Speaking w/ Frank, a very nice man from Africa on set, day past and he was in awe of what I was missing in the country. Because he'd never experienced what I spoke of. He knows beauty in pictures but never in all his 42 years has he ever been tranquilized by Nature.
All so different.

If...

...i wuz ownlee smarter i could b genius

Are...

...memories forgotten and buried
in order for solace, while in wasted lands.
Perhaps prejudice tricks us, playing its hand.
Be here, present, in the now.
Oh...easy, bend over, smile and bow.
Folk preach, you are nothing and that is everything.
Wake up.
No Tree, nor Stone, nor Animal is nothing.
Believing in stories of unseens.
Why not. After all, if you did not...
...you would have...nothing.
Sadly...doctor, mechanic or mother is as deep as most delve.
That is enough, that is who they...
...Are.

Imagine this...

...if ya kin? cruizin West bound on I-10 in the fast lane on my BMW R1150GSA...i see bunches of brake lites up ahead, so i begin to grab the dotted white line to my right..."cuttin traffic" as it's legally known in LA. i'm almost to the lines and i catch a glimpse of a black car barrelin down on the red rig i'm about to pass...well those brake lites up ahead have now caught up to us. the red car hits the brakes hard, cuz we're all doin about 40-50 mph. the black rig slams on his brakes, lockin all the tires up, smoke rollin, he slams into this fine little red rig in the left rear...knocking the right rear out and around towards me and then it all played out like one of those slow motion stunt scenes you see in movies...the red cars rear bumper comes over to me...i can't just hop into the next lane because all three of the "next" lanes are full up w/ all the other thousands of yo-yo's going home. so i inch over as much as it seems i can while this little red bumper is chasing me. it catches up to me and my left foot which is holding on tite to my left foot peg. that red bumper comes over and a little too affectionately kisses my heel into my motorbike chassis. kisses me hard enough to scooch my rear wheel about four-six inches to the right...thankfully no more. looking down and up and keeping the bike upright...i coast to a stop a few yards ahead, feeling some stinging in my boot. wow, i made it! and then i decide to sit in the fast lane at 7pm and watch traffic go by for a bit on this fine wednesday evenin...with a beat to shit red rig 40 yards East of me...somehow the black car went thru all four lanes of traffic and parked on the other side...then what do i see...a hispanic guy in a blue and white striped shirt running West bound to the next off ramp. it didn't seem right to me so i frantically got up and dug out my lovely little Lumix camera and zoomed in on his running ass and snapped a couple photos...until CHP finally arrived. probably one of those god damn illegal aliens w/o insurance, damn near killin others and myself! yea, yea...it could of been a 90210 broad or could have been my neighbor...but it wasn't!

My precious...

...little girl, such young love
Look how sweet she lay
Part of me she is, hair teeth and my hazel she got
We climbed up I kissed her butter soft head and ever so gently pushed
You got it all wrong, we were just playing on the slide
She was doing so well, seemed like she could go by herself
I ran down, fast as I could...gust of wind blew
Binky lay covered in sand, while I clutch her little hand
That damn cop kept sayin, keep your hands up
His flash light scorching my eyes, yelling he was
You're all jacked up, now you're going away
Her name was Autumn Hazel

Havin a...

...walk along the morning beach and takin photoz n such. we see a Sea Lion marooned at the tides edge, seemed unharmed however she just wobbled to and fro keeping her head above water and occasionally twisted her head in tight painful looking tension.
Marina makes a series of phone calls and finds out 15 have already been rescued due to an Algae Bloom in the Ocean which releases neurotoxins obviously messing up their entire system.
warned not to touch her yet told that if she does not get out of the water her chances of survival go down greatly!
something prevented me from taking her photo or shooting video, it seemed wrong somehow...her being helpless and me putting her on tape? i do wish i had her photo now. reckon my memory is good enuf!

Found out...

...today via email from Bob---Shayla died. Made and makes me cry. i didn't even want that darned ole cat.
I come back from ten days up in Lost Park Wilderness huntin Wapiti w/ my old bow and there she wuz...in the arms of my wife, year nineteen and ninety-four.

"Someone had a box of kittens outside of Safeway and she looked like a sweet one." And over the next handful o' weeks, that black burl o' fur gave us a glimpse of parenthood. Unfortunately for Penny and i Shayla took a likin to me, especially my ears. She would come up on t' bed after many a protest of, "There is no way that cat's sleepin on this bed!" So there she were up on my neck w/ her cold little nose driven into my ear and those infant fresh needle claws kneading for my jugular.

Daze and daze of this, my lack of sleep rolled me nerves thinner-than-the-then paper thin bastards already were! One nyte she came up all loving and in went t' nose, i picked her up and lay her at the foot of the bed, then again and again. All three of us should B sleepin. So i tossed her to the end of the bed, and again, here she came and i'll be damned if i did not give up? Her nose went in, claws drew blood, literally and a velvety black cat scarf i wore. "There'll be time enuf to sleep when I'm dead, I guess."

Seventeen years later, thru many Colorado moovs, out smartin Coyote/Owl/Hawk, out foxin Fox, a divorce, eleven hundred miles North to Montana, three weeks in a 24' trailer by herself, to two different Yurts, sharing space w/ cats and dogs she feared/despised and a new marriage...she died around the love of Bob, who gave her moor than he gave any other cat in his entire Life, due to the compassion he know i had for her. He loved her too, in the end...she became such a sweet lap cat--on her terms of course. Thanks ain't even close as the closest horseshoe, for how much Bob helped me w/ her. And, Deborah as well, your gentile soul thru til her end and here i lay in a foreign land w/ tear in my eye. Sucks to bury any loved creature...Thank ya kindly.

Said no...

...for the first time today to an acting job and to boot it was for a Verizon commercial. can't believe my first "no" was to Verizon!
but i was already booked and then to Costa Rica.
i do look forward to this challenge in the future!

One...

...second screen time! wow, you guys created something pretty great, compared to what the set looked like!

At sixteen...

...years old on a socked in typical miserable Michigan morning I drove my Sister and i to school in a 1972 big ole black Dodge of some unremembered model. well the roads were a sheet of ice and there was this wise old man in front of us cruising about 2 mph and me being of my impatient foolish age decided to gently pass him on a safe straight stretch. we got past him and were just going back to our lane and the car fishtailed round and we were planted on the other side of the road w/ the ass end in a snow bank.

valuable lesson was kindly learned to me that day!

i had another "kind" lesson today in Santa Monica...going 15 mph down main st. and being 2 blks from our street a gal decided to walk across the cross walk which is her right, well the Honda in front of me did not see her until the last minute and i did not see her at all due to it was pissing w/ rain. i saw his brake lights and felt his cessation of movement and so both brakes were heavily applied on my motorbike...but i'll be damned i just slid as if i was on Michigan ice in january. tried again and the same, so i swerved left and almost cleared. Damn! almost being the key word. my right side pannier side swiped his left rear fender and bumper edge and i rolled past him...thru the cross walk and slid guiltily into a parking space.
the rain is like snow here, slow down even more and give 2-3 car lengths in front.

Convinced into...

...doing an agent showcase in Lewis Smith's class from the Actor's Academy. And coming from the experience now, if you want to try one out, you can trust one that comes thru this avenue.
Lewis gave me this scene to transcribe from Sam Shepard's "Fool For Love" and then paired me up w/ Ruthie from class and we practiced for maybe an hour before class. We ended up going last and it was a good closing to the evening. We both fouled up some lines and both forgot to do some actions, but it still showed well for a first go. Was it $20 well spent, not sure, I reckon it was, but not sure? Still lots to learn/execute!

Volunteered...

...for a PSA today for www.wishriders.org , to be a biker guy with kids in a park. Jen was great and is full of heart. Thanks to the triplets for being my guys today-bubbles, toys and cupcakes!

Mornin walk...

...we took along the Ocean. really is a great way to begin the day here! saw a shell lyin in the sand, spread open like a butterfly. Marina was playin w/ her Droid's camera and i said, "Here's a good shot." then it made me think, you could take "butterfly" shot of sea shells for a year and then have a photo exhibit simply on that premise. sounds fun!

Wut an...

...amazing thing! having such a supportive companion in Life. Marina, eye Love U...

Discovery Channel...

...will be interesting. seems i booked a 3 day shoot on the "Ancient Enemy" series. that's gonna make me nervous, the whole set and every thing. oh, shit...i'm nervous just writin it! NOPE, now two days later, got an email saying "pretend like you never booked the job", placed on indefinite hold. oh well for now

Visitors...

...from Eureka, Karin and Jeff stopped by and we had a wonderful picnic on the beach. seein them stirred up emotions. this experiment of being in LA is an emotional trip. i don't remember any of this when i moved to Eureka! interesting. a city will do that to a country boy, i reckon. following dreams certainly is a growth phase in Life. won't know if ya don't try. well i am doing that, for damn sure!

Most interesting...

...interview of my Life is coming up tomorrow. job flexibility is crucial w/ this acting pursuit, so i've been perusing craigslist, well tomorrow i am meeting Robert, son of Vivian. Vivian is 87 years old and in a care home and Robert is looking for a person to visit his Mom, connect and share something. interesting how things roll around. i have had thought/intention for years to do something of this sorts and now i may be...?